Dating someone for their future, not their past
1% better every day at 11:11am - newsletter #039
Last week, I had the pleasure of having dinner with a very lovely person. We started talking about relationships and love. She said something that stuck with me: "With my ex, I made the mistake of falling in love with his past when I was going to be part of his future."
If you think about it for two seconds, you realize how true that is! Our past is a part of us that will never change. It is our past that made us who we are today. As Steve Jobs said, "You can't connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards."
It reminds me of a story not so long ago. I fell in love with a girl last December, just before I left for Australia. I invited her to join me for New Year's Eve and then to visit New Zealand with me. She didn't want to follow me, despite an obvious mutual attraction. Her main reason was fear of my past, this sulphurous character that I was. It was only when I came out of my 10 days of Vipassanna silence that I took the time to answer her :
“I've finally made my peace with it. My past is my past. Yes, it's sulfurous and sometimes not pretty. But it's my past and I can't change it. To tell you the truth, I don't want to change it because it made me who I am now. In the last 3 years, I've started a deep change in who I am, both physically and mentally. I have finally understood that the image people have of me will change over time. That it is normal that there is a gap, and I have to accept that.
I wish to share this with you. First of all to respond to your message with my apologies. I understand your message and I accept it. Thank you for your honesty. I wanted to thank you once again for the 2 weeks we spent together before I left. It is one of the most beautiful "first chapters" that I have ever lived.”
Since that day, I understood what was important to me. Someone who accepts my past for what it is, but more importantly, who chooses me for my present (what I am today) and my future (what I will be tomorrow).
I think it's important to consider someone's past, but you can't stop there. What matters more than anything else is the present moment.
ONE QUOTE TO SHARE
“If you are immune to boredom, there is literally nothing you cannot accomplish.” - David Foster Wallace
ONE VIDEO TO WATCH
Yes Theory & Jay Shetty
The creators of Yes Theory tell Jay Shetty that for them, facing their biggest fears has much deeper meaning. Conquering mountains, jumping out of helicopters, and learning to push their bodies beyond their max all have pushed them to look deep within and discover more strength than they knew they had.
Not sure how to conquer a fear or obstacle? You'll learn how to gain insight on getting started as well as sticking with the challenge when the going gets tough.
ONE PERSON TO FOLLOW
I love the world of this artist! It's a real moment of happiness every time these cartoon appear in my instagram feed. He speaks with simplicity about the subjects of everyday life. I recommend it to you!
ONE QUESTION TO ASK YOURSELF
What am I avoiding just because the desired outcome would take longer than I’d like? (from James Clear)
ONE WORKOUT TO DO
The Beep Test (or PACER Fitness Test)
Start each interval on the beep. Wait for beep to leave.
Two consecutive missed beeps is the end of the test.
Easy to do anywhere!
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